Read This During Class

April 12, 2008

Internet Legend: John Fitzgerald Page

Filed under: Uncategorized — readthisduringclass @ 1:42 pm

johnpage Some of you may already know about this guy; others might have missed it. Either way, it’s worth revisiting what was one of the greatest internet scandals of all time. I’m not even sure if scandal is the right word to describe it, but in the absence of something better it will have to do.

The short version is such: John Fitzgerald Page, Ivy League grad, actor/model, and all around douchenozzle creates a page on A girl “winks” at him (like poking on Facebook), and he sends her an email in which he comes across like a pompous, arrogant dufus:

I live in a 31 story high rise condominium, right in the middle of the Buckhead nightlife district. Do you ever come to this area of town to shop/go out/visit/explore?

I went to an Ivy League school – the University of Pennsylvania – for my undergraduate degree in economics and my graduate degree in management (Wharton School of Business). Where did you go to school?

What activities do you currently participate in to stay in shape? I work out 4 times a week at LA Fitness. Do you exercise regularly? I am 6 feet tall, 185 pounds – what about yourself? I am truly sorry if that sounds rude, impolite or even downright crass, but I have been deceived before by inaccurate representations so I prefer someone be upfront and honest on initial contact…

I do mergers & acquisitions (corporate finance) for Limited Brands (Bath & Body Works, Victoria’s Secret, etc). Enjoy any of our stores/divisions?

Do you have any other recent pictures you care to share? I have many others if you care to see them.



She turns him down and he blows up… sends her a nasty follow up email, reaffirming the fact that he is, no doubt, a douche:

I think you forgot how this works. You hit on me, and therefore have to impress ME and pass MY criteria and standards – not vice versa. 6 pictures of just your head and your inability to answer a simple question lets me know one thing. You are not in shape. I am a trainer on the side, in fact, I am heading to the gym in 26 minutes!

So next time you meet a guy of my caliber, instead of trying to turn it around, just get to the gym! I will even give you one free training session, so you don’t blow it with the next 8.9 on Hot or Not, Ivy League grad, Mensa member, can bench/squat/leg press over 1200 lbs., has had lunch with the secretary of defense, has an MBA from the top school in the country, lives in a Buckhead high rise, drives a Beemer convertible, has been in 14 major motion pictures, was in Jezebel’s Best dressed, etc. Oh, that is right, there aren’t any more of those!


The bloggers got a hold of the story and tore this guy to shreds. It was huge. This kind of thing happens all the time, I’m sure, but for some reason everyone really latched onto JFP and the whole thing took off. He became some sort of quasi-celebrity, and the bloggers had material to work with for weeks. It’s amazing how it escalated.

The main instigators were the writers over at Gawker. The original incident and the subsequent responses from Page lead them to write a slew of articles mocking him. The original article about him is at the bottom of the page, and as you scroll up you can see how hilarious this gets. They loved JFP’s inability to let this go… Enjoy.

***By the way Gawker is another great website to explore. Once you’re done with the JFP debacle, there are some really funny articles on there about everything pop-culture, including why Superman is a crappy superhero.***


1 Comment »

  1. I don’t know how, but I actually missed all this.

    Comment by Will — April 12, 2008 @ 3:55 pm

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